I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize