I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
