I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
