We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
