This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
