Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
whose parrot is this?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
