My Higher Power is John Stamos
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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