i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
