You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
