I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
