I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
