I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
