no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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