Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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