his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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