So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
