No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
