literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
