Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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