I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
