first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
