At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
