i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
