I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
