Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize