I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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