I am puke
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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