I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
