It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
