You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I puked a lego.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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