god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
