I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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