remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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