I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how does that bad decision feel?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
