im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
