So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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