I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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