this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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