your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
