I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
