He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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