apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
