I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
