i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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