she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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