This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
