Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize