those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize