kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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