perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
