Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
