I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
