I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
