i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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