How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
