Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
