just come out here and I will go home with you...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
