if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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