You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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