I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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