I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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