My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
