Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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