Apparently you make a good broom.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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