and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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