She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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