its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
