you didnt know i had herpes?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
