Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
