I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
