so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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