There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
