Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
