atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
