I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
