I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
