you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
