she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
