Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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