R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
