I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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