wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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